college- i hate that i hate it.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

So i have wanted to blog lately- ive thought about it for a couple days.... i thought... what should i blog about? my life isnt that cool- but it is. bc Christ leads it so here i am... blogging.

this week has been hard to say the least. ive gotten some midterm tests back and they havnt been that great- i mean, it hasnt been awful, but you know when youre thinking "oh i have this class in the bag... nbd." then you get the grade back and its disappointing. im doing a mediocre job in my classes, and thats not okay. i have to do more- i cannot afford to retake anything or have a low gpa. i wont stand for it. microeconomics is KILLING me. i mean literally- my professor is just awful, the class itself and the material are awful. its double awful and its extremely hard- im a history major for a reason. math and business stuff does not compute in my head.... like at all. So that midterm was the worst- and so was the grade. However- on a good note, i met with my TA and my grade was above the average grade... that just goes to show the works of the professor. So im staying put and i just received todays quiz grade back... 100%. see? improvement already. let's just hope and pray for an A on this next test!

Also- met with my advisor yesterday afternoon and found out im taking a class that i didnt even need. it wont go toward anything. you have no idea how angry this makes me... like im so mad. over the summer, ODU was in the process of switching history academic advisors and what not. I saw two different advisors in 2 weeks and neither of them could have told me that the class i signed up for was a waste of my time and money? no. so, i have to work hard in the class so it just goes toward my gpa. The worse news? this may have just set me back a semester. the plan- our plan, is warped. i know jesus is in this but its extremely hard to deal with the fact. i dont want to be in college. i hate college. most people love college- the fun the friends. but i dont have a fun college life with friends that ill have for life. it wasnt in the cards for me and is extremely hard to deal with- but i do. so for me college is just school, classes, tests, pens, and pencils. nothing good or fun. just a peice of paper that will tell people "give me money bc i paid and worked my way through college." i hate that about college- but i do it anyway. so someone telling me that it may cost me another semester because of someones careless mistakes and misguidance makes me so furious.

i trust jesus though- i really do. joshs reaction was so sweet- he calmed me down and said "if we have to live here for another year, then thats okay. well be together and well be okay. jesus has our plan.... lets just go with it." youre right j- i know you are. so thanks for leading me like that...

side note: i carpooled to school with josh monday, totally forgetting about my tb test result read at 1pm. so i missed it bc i cant drive stick and josh had to go to class.... so another go around friday. well see how it goes this time.
also- Libby, one of my dearest friends with lymphoma got some awesome pet scan results back- chemo is responding extremely well in her body! praise jesus!!!

TB & date night...

Sunday, October 24, 2010

well- friday was an interesting day for me. i had my classes and then had to go to the dr to get a tb/ppd test. nbd right? well not for me i guess. i don't like shots- i never have, i always put up a fight. but ive been learning to suck it up. so i go to the lab and the lady has the "stuff" all set out. i tell her "i dont really like shots, but i know this isnt really even a real one- it just goes under your skin right?" she said yes and got started. it didnt hurt- just a little pinch and 5 seconds later it was over. i said "not too bad" as soon as i uttered those words she asks "are you alright?" my face went flush. uhhhh- no....  i felt so weird and dizzy all of a sudden- i wanted to throw up. if i had of eaten lunch im sure i would have. my breathing started to become really heavy- i get panic attacks too, so this was kind of familiar- but the dizziness and tightness i felt was not familiar. a nurse came in and my blood pressure had shot down- way down. the wheeled me to another room- monitored my blood pressure and gave me a freezie-pop. yumm- she even got my fav color. josh told me earlier that he had to lay don after his too and he got a popsicle too. so i sent him a pic- i look pitiful- but i knew that josh loves my pitiful face. he calls me pitiful all the time- which is ironic. when i was little, my mom called me her pita. cute right? a little nickname for her baby girl. i used this nickname to sign all my cards. i loved it- my sister was jealous of my nickname. well- when i was 16, i found out where the name came from. its not pita- its p.i.t.a. it stands for something- pain in the a**. yup- that was my nickname bc i was the worst little baby ever. its okay- ive learned to embrace it and josh will make fun of it a lot- which is funny bc i know that sometimes i really am a p.i.t.a. movie quotes are pretty dumb and cliche i know- but this reminds me of one of my fav movies the notebook.Noah: "You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a b**** and I tell you when you are a pain in the a**. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing."

i love you J- thanks for putting up with my crazy little self- even when im a bbb :)

Me eating my freezie pop.... yumm :)

So last night, Josh and I went on a date. a real date. like he picked me up, went to dinner, dropped me off the whole shabang. it was so good- we havnt done that in forever it feels like. we are two very busy people. so he got off of work and we went to dinner. now most people on a date will go to a fancy sit down restaurant. not us- we went to el poyo loco. the crazy chicken. its a mexican flame grilled chicken fast food place. so so good- i love that about us. i was content going there too- i mean not to say i would mind p.f. changs once in a while but this is our place. we love going to va beach and grabbing the chicken tacos and churros. we save money- eat food we love- and just can be together. after dinner we went to the beach. we went to the 1st street jetty and sat on our rock. we sat on this rock 2 years before talking about us and how we have developed feelings for eachother. its where we had our first kiss- i love it there. we havn't really been back there for a long while- maybe even since then. it was nice to sit and talk and be in the familiar of when we first started dating. it was getting pretty chilly (i was freezing- josh was chilly) we drove to strawbridge movie theater and saw the social network. great movie btw. we smuggled in frosted animal crackers, take 5, and chocolate milk... delicious. the night was perfect.

when we got to my house- we had a real hard conversation. one of the most real ones in a while. i won't disclaim all over the internet everything about it- but i will share this. when i was in high school- i had this idea of love. i thought that love should be easy. it come naturally and it is effortless. i should love him and he should love me and it should be painless and easy. it's not. love takes work. it's easy to plant a seed but in order for it to grow- you have to nurture it. there may be dry seasons too- where youre in love but you dont feel in love. its a hard realization. you think you know someone- but you never really do. i realize that as life goes on- i will always always always be learning about josh. dont get me wrong- love is amazing. really it is- i couldnt imagine not being in love anymore. ill always love josh- no matter what. i just mean that its not movie savvy- its real life and it takes time and work to grow and work on love. its so worth it too- the pay off is amazing. josh loves me so well and i feel like i do too- its just a matter of continuing to learn new ways to love and how to better the other ways. i love josh with all of my heart- i know i could live life without him and be okay bc i have jesus- but it wouldnt feel right without him. i love you josh- glad we can be real and honest with each other.



Friday, October 22, 2010

Okay so last weekend, Josh and I got to catch up with two of our best friends. John Carr and Katie Meehan... love them. On the way there- we ate chick-fil-a. Not a good choice for me right when were about to go on a windy back country mountain road. About 2 mins before we got there, I got sick... really sick. Soory Matt for throwing up in your car- at least i made the bag. I always get nausios on car rides but never have i gotten truly sick like that- Josh didn't believe me when i said over and over "i feel sick- im going to throw up." he siad "it's okay- youll be okay." well i was okay- but i was right. he was right too- i never get sick and always say i am going too- so next time we'll know.

 Katie has become one of my best friends in a short period of time. I am a pretty-to-myslef person. Over the past couple years, I've built walls- and so it's strange for me to have such a close friend so fast. I love our relationship- we are so blunt and real with eachother, and in such a loving way.i need that. we need that- we all do. we giggle- a lot too. which i also need (refer to my previous post about laughter) we're crazy. and i love her and miss her. John has been best friends with Josh for a long time- they are funny together. I don't always get it- but i love watching them interact. boys being friends has always been kinda weird and funny to me- they are just so different than girls, but i love watching Josh with his closest friends. And John is definitely one of them. They joke they laugh and most of all they surf. Josh loves surfing- he really LOVES it. His dream? Living within a short bike ride to the beach, owning a little shack for us to live in (not a crappy shack, a cute humble craftsmen style beach abode), doing ministry with high school guys, and raising children to be little shredders too. OBX preferred living location. So what do i say to that? YES. i'll go wherever he goes- that is wherever the Lord calls us to. He wants to start Young Life in the OBX and i love that idea. He is so passionate about it and keeps thinking of ways that he can raise money to do so. as long as i'm living my life serving Christ with the man i love- i'm okay wherever we go. OBX? yes. Wilmington? sure. NYC? okay. Antartica? uhhh.... okay i guess (haha) seriously though- and thats a part of how i know christ has changed me. The OBX is pretty secluded... a whole lot of nothing and i am not a content person... i mean i get bored easily. But i know that wherever Josh goes- i go, and the lord will alter me and change me to live in such a place. So a big prayer for us right now is contacting people about how to go about starting a YL in OBX... also that First Flight High School will need a couple history teachers in a couple years.

love you J- 267 days.

First Post

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Hello All-
This is Josh.  Well this is my first blog post ever... I never thought I would do this, but here I am.  I am now an engaged man, to a great girl named Allison, who posts all the other stuff ha.  She is alot more on the ball than myself.  Being only 21 and being engaged has been a great experience so far.  Its funny because the way people talk about it they make it seems like its the biggest deal ever, but to me I can just officially say now that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with the girl I love.  I guess its different for girls ha. 
I cant wait for July 24th to hurry up and get here.  It seems really far away, but in reality it's not too far away.  I've been kind of stressing over where we are going to live, etc.... Chesapeake definitely didn't have poor married college students in mind when building residential zones.  I would love for us to live down at the oceanfront, but right now that doesnt seem too practical, as we lead in Chesapeake and go to school in Norfolk.    However, as much as that kind of stuff worries me, what I am most excited about is for the two of us to learn to trust Jesus more and more through our first years of marriage.  Though our young marriage may look like financial suicide, and it may be ha, we aren't going to let that stop us from loving each other the way God intended, which is through marriage.  I have found a great girl that I am extremely excited to make this commitment too, and I'm fairly sure she feels the same way ha.  well thats all I got. 

two years.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

yup- you read that title right. today is our two year dating "anniversary." maybe a trivial little date to some, but not for me. I remember two years ago perfectly. Josh and I had gone on a couple dates and had been talking a lot over the phone. Butterflies? yes. I will never forget the feelings i felt that night. It was a thursday night and Josh and I went to the planetarium. I absolutely love the planetarium- i mean i love it. The vibe and the old school feeling of being in 4th grade again, the smell, the same man who has been in charge of it since i started going in 1st grade. Everything. Josh called earlier that day to make reservations to the planetarium- yes, you would be surprised how many people go- We went to dinner and headed straight there. We sat on the long cushy bench and watched the presentation. I don't remember what i drank at dinner, but i do know that i had to find my way across the room at least three times to go to the bathroom. It is dark in the planetarium may I remind you. Very dark. Did i trip? yes. many a times. But Josh thought it was cute and funny. After we went to the Great Bridge Locks parks to look at the real stars. Disappointment. City Lights ruin everything- so we ventured down route 17 toward NC, passed the bear crossing sign and were gonna go sit in this park. Josh was so sad/angry/frustrated- the gate to the park was closed. I could tell he just wanted to be still and sit with me. Well, I plopped myself down in some grass and said "It's okay, we can just sit here." He looked at me confused... and smiled and sat down next to me. He said "I guess I have never really seen a girl sit on the side of a road in the damp grass. Most girls don't do that." I smiled and said "I'm not like most girls." We leaned back and looked at the stars. I put on his flannel because I was cold- it was a chilly night and the grass was itchy- I remember the smell and how much I loved it. We made it official that night- and two years later, I'm blogging about our engagement story and life. I love it- I love him and I could never ask for anything more. I am so blessed, and my prayer today is that he knows that.


shoes, mom, dad, and laughter...

Friday, October 15, 2010

see? two posts in a row? im gonna get good at this.

okay so- while my bestest friend cail was here, we were shopping (duh.) and stumbled across some shoes. Not just any shows- the shoes. They were perfect. Vintage looking- matched the dress- low heel (who wants to wear a 3 inch heel all day?) I couldn't believe it. So i took my momma last night and we got them (: she loved them too- she said it would look perfect with the dress and matched my style very well! So thanks mommy, you are the best. She really is- I've always been a mommys girl. I mean I love my dad- but not so much at first. Yes- i know that sounds awful but it's true. From the second i was on this earth- i was little miss priss. I didn't want my dad to hold me when i was little. at all. not even when i was a baby and didn't know better. Both my parents were in the Navy- my mom being one of the first women stationed to an aircraft carrier combat ship (snaps for my mom, shes a tough one) When I was two- and still did not like my dad at all- my mom had to go on 6 month deployment. My mom knew that our bond would be broken during this time. I had to warm up to my dad. And i did eventually. My mom was secretly upset, she wanted me to like my dad of course, but she also loved that i loved her so much and that i was such a girly mommy's girl. Well, when my mom came back from deployment, my dad was telling me to go do something and apparently my sassy side came out and i turned around, put my hands on my hips and said "i don't need you anymore, my mommy's back." My mom died with laughter. Poor daddy, i love you- really i do. Let's just keep in mind how old i was and that it should not be taken into account for this wedding :)

 haha. thats funny. i like it when i make myself laugh. it shows a side of me that loves who i am and the women ive become... i will tell you something about myself- i love laughter. everything about it just something inside of me lights up when myself and other people laugh. its my favorite. Josh knows this too- trust me, when im angry he knows exactly how to get me. with some tickling. he doesn't even have to actually do it- he just gives me this look and i lose it. this frustrates me to no end sometimes- how does he do it? when hes mad at me i dont have the same effect. he hates when i try to tickle him or make him laugh. it doesnt work like it works on me. im just a giggly person- maybe not as giggly as one of my summer staff friend Shannon or ShaSha- but none-the-less giggly. I secretly love that this happens though. That i can get over something so quickly because of laughter. i think God made me that way because he knew i would get mad over silly things and that i need some good healthy medicine- laughter that is. So J- thanks for knowing me that well and keep the laughs coming forever okay? I want to be 80 years old giggling at the sight of your frail, wrinkly, old, musty hands coming at me for a good tickle :) love you.

im bad at this...

Thursday, October 14, 2010

well, i think im pretty bad at blogging- but i am going to try and make a conscious effort to be better at it and post a few times a week....

This fall break was good- but needed to be longer. I spent a great time with some of my favorite girls friday night- Mir, Katie Carr, and TMot. I love them... I also got to see one of my new best friends, Katie Meehan, she is Mir's sister who I did summer staff with in August. She is one of my favorites and I always enjoy a good talk with her. I miss her- Lots.

Also this past weekend, my best friend, Caileigh, came to visit. It was the best. We have been best friends since 2nd grade, age 7, and nothing has been able to come between us. Not even a vast ocean of distance. When we were just finishing up 4th grade, Cail's dad was ordered via the US Navy to Italy. Well bummer, bc you're my best friend and we are inseparable. We keep in contact with letters and such during that long three years and until we knew it, 8th grade was rolling in and Cail (that is what I call her, and she calls me Al) moved back to "the states." We hung out every weekend- we didn't go to the same school- and everything blossomed again from there. Then her dad had a ladder accident, thank God he was okay, but he could no longer continue his contracting business. So he got a government job and just as freshman year of high school was hitting, Cail was moving to Maryland. We were heart broken. She had become my best friend again and I didn't want her to leave. However, it wasn't the end. We visited each other like crazy throughout high school- any type of break from school, we would visit. College came around and we chose different paths and it's been hard to visit each other as often as we used to. But we still do and it's NEVER awkward. You would think at first you'd need some time to warm up to one another and get a feel for it, but it's not like that with Cail. We just are and we pick up right where we left off. I love it. I love her. I love having her around and it's always depressing to see her leave, or when I go visit to have to leave. I just got her back and then poof, she's gone. But I know it's okay- because we'll have more visits. Even when I'm married- I know we'll go visit. Because i love her and she has always been there for me. I mean in my toughest times. I miss her like crazy and I really hope and pray the Lord and our circumstances will bring us to live in the same town and city and even neighborhood. We have a dream that our kids will be best friends- whether they like it or not. I truly hope that happens, and if it doesn't, that's okay too. We'll visit eachother. Wherever we are. I know it and I feel it. I miss her too much already. She is my MOH after all (: Love you Cail- you know you'll always be butterfly girl and Ill always be alley cat.

So when Cail got here saturday morning, we didn't waste time. My mom, my sister (the Matron of Honor), Cail (Maid of Honor), and I hit the dress shops. It was the best. I have to admit I was nervous at first! I felt like when I was in the gowns, I was going to break them somehow (how i do not know, they just seemed so fragile.) I found one I liked at the first shop- it was beautiful. I really really liked it. But we all decided that I needed to walk away and at least go look at the other place. After a lovely lunch at one of my personal favorites, the No Frill Grill, we headed to the second place. The service? Not as nice as the other place. Less personable, and friendly. It didn't seemed like they cared- so right off the bat I was turned off. I got into the rooms, got into the dresses and dress #2- I cried. DISCLAIMER: i am NOT  a cryer with sappy stuff like this. Im just not. I never have been- I mean I cry, but for other reasons. Not happy tears of a love movie. This dress, I envisioned myself walking down the "aisle" toward the love of my life. I envisioned his face and what it would be like to be in that moment. It was the one. I knew it- before you know it, everyone was crying- Cail who we have always said has leaky eyes, was really for real crying too. I loved it. We bought it. It's perfect and I want to show the whole world- but not until that day  :)

The rest of my fall break was perfect- spent quality much needed time with Cail and away from it all. We did what we do best- shopping duh.- and snagged some sweet deals in w-burg. Is Banana Republic our new favorite store? YES. DUH. we like to call it Naners.

Also- one more note- my dad started a blog and I can ensure you it is ten times better than mine- it's the sweetest so here's the link- make sure you click to follow him (and me too while you're at it!)

by Adele

Thursday, October 7, 2010

When the rain is blowing in your face And the whole world is on your case I could offer you a warm embrace To make you feel my love When the evening shadows and the stars appear And there is no one there to dry your tears I could hold you for a million years To make you feel my love I know you haven't made your mind up yet But i would never do you wrong I've known it from the moment that we met No doubt in my mind where you belong I'd go hungry i'd go black and blue I'd go crawling down the avenue No there's nothing that i wouldn't do To make you feel my love The storms are raging on the rolling sea And on the highway of regret Though winds of change are blowing wild and free You ain't seen nothing like me yet I could make you happy make your dreams come true Nothing that i wouldn't do Go to the ends of the earth for you To make you feel my love



so, last night, a great guy from grassfield young life noticed as he was watching me back out to make sure i didn't hit the car next to me, that there was a screw- not a nail- a screw in my front passenger side tire. Thank goodness he noticed- or else I probably would have found myself stuck on the highway today with a flat tire. So, the plan was to take my mom's car to school. Well- so i got up this morning, rushed to get ready (i always rush bc im a procrastinator, and i underestimate the amount of time it will take me to get ready) and find myself, driving on 464, talking to Josh. He asks me, "so you're in your mom's car?" OOPS. I mean a BIG OOPS. Josh was NOT happy about that. It was a disaster- should i turn around? I was freaking out, Josh got really mad. You may think, why would he get so mad? Well- his anger was out of love- doesn't justify it- but it was loving. I know that- he was just so worried about if something happened, it could be really bad. I was crying- he was angry. Oh what a day. I decided to drive into Norfolk anyways- mind you going VERY  slow especially over pot holes (norfolk has a lot of roadway issues- construction and pot holes. not to mention bad drivers.) I dropped my car off at the University Car Care place in hopes that it could be fixed by 1 so I could leave to make it to grassfield at 2. Dropped it off on one side of campus- walked to the far end of the other (btw- i wore new heels today so i could head straight to the highschool for observations- those heels are being burnt tonight.) I was 20 minutes late for class- missed a ton. Took a quiz on things I didn't understand. Oh what a day- My car luckily was ready at 12:40. I drove to the school and just spent some relaxing- much needed time- with jesus. It was real and it was good. Josh texted me and apologized a bit ago for freaking me out. It's okay honey- it's all in a day. I secretly love that he was angry, i know he was just worried about me. but "I'm fine today." (Malibu anyone?) I think very few people will understand that joke- click here.

Love you J- thanks for caring that much...

his leadership astounds me already...

It has been a long week for Josh and I. We have been having some real conversations. It has been rough- no one ever realizes how tough a relationship is until they fall in love and they become real. It's not all cake and frosting- relationships are real and hard- yet so so good. I have never met anyone who has loved me better than Josh has. He knows me so well, everything about me. Yet he loves m anyways and that's huge for me. It is such a good picture of how Jesus loves me- yet jesus loves me even better. It's all so real- I have issues of loneliness sometimes. We all have our fair share of problems, but this is by far my worst. Josh an I lead Young Life in Chesapeake. We commute over half an hour everyday to Norfolk to get to school. I still live with my parents. I went to community college for 2 years before ODU. I have not met a single friend because of college. Not like -most people- most people meet their best friends in college. Not me- and there are other leaders in Chesapeake. But to give you some figures- there are 10 male leaders for Chesapeake and about 5 in new leader training. It will give us 15 male leaders and there are only 4 of us girls. My point is that i have not made any friends in college- and there are only 3 other girl leaders, one of which just moved here. Libby used to lead too- it is extremely hard though now that she has cancer. I have hardly any girl community here. I never just go hang out with my friends. I can't- i barely have any. My best friend, Caileigh, has always lived far away from me. We have lived in the same place 4/13 years of knowing her. I don't mean to say that the girl leaders in Chesapeake aren't my friends- they definitely are. I just feel so alone sometimes- in fact- almost all of the time. this affects Josh and my relationship a lot. I do things to "gain his attention" and it's frustrating. Josh confronted me last night and we had a really hard yet really good talk. I needed to hear some stuff- I need to be actively involved in changing this or nothing will ever happen. I need to give this to jesus and let him take it. I need to have some conversations in order to change this heavy feeling in my heart. I only have 2 years left in Chesapeake- will i waste it? The title of my favorite blog is "don't waste your cancer." I cannot help but think that I am sitting here wasting my life! This is what Josh was telling me- I cannot tell you how cool it was to see him leading me in this. I cannot wait to see him lead our family and to see us grow like this more. I feel like a weight has been lifted off- Ive got to let this go and live for christ like never before.

Thank you J- you know me best.

i don't think it's healthy...

Friday, October 1, 2010

okay so right now- i am having a color crisis. yup. prob not healthy for my mind but it's true. do i really want a grey/blue bedroom? do i really want a grey/yellow wedding... why these 2nd thoughts? is this normal- hummmm... thoughts anyone?

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