Monday, August 29, 2011

i might post another wedding post soon. but my heart is not in the right place for that now so i wont. this week starts the business, so well see. classes start wednesday. yippee.

josh and i evacuated for hurricane irene. we were advised to by parents, sisters, and the city of norfolk. so we did. it did not seem to be as bad as they had expected. josh and i didnt really want to go. we love storms. and rain. but we listened to the evacuation and left for waynesboro. we stayed with our sister, brother, & niece- joshs side. it was a good stay. very relaxing. we sleep in late. watched free willy, sweet home alabama, & billy madison. oh and about all the weather channel we could get.... a lot. just listening to the updates and watching some poor guy on the obx get whipped with debris the majority of the day on saturday.  ate our favorite ice cream- well my favorite lately is ben & jerrys chunky monkey. a little obsession lately. we napped and played with emma and just soaked in the laziness. when i look back it sucked being out of the storm, but so good to catch up with family and not to be stuck in a non air conditioned apartment where the transformer box outside our windows could come ripping in at any moment. other than some leakage from the windows everything seemed to be okay here at our home. which we are LOVING. seriously love living in the "city" (ghent isnt really a city, but lots of shops and restaurants we can walk to, and its right next to downtown so we get a city view all the time) i will post pictures when i can. bc it is looking cute here.

looking at the start of this school year, i am afraid. ryder & libby are moving and it is all really sudden. and i feel a lot of pressure to lead well. ryder is nonstop leading, its his job. his presence at grassfield was everywhere. i felt like he was always the backbone to our team. and now our team looks different and i am scared. i like change- but not when it comes to this kind of thing. libby is leaving. her being one of the few friends i have here. it is especially hard. i am taking that part the worst. our community is going to look so different. i do not think it will look bad, but different. i am afriad this semester. i am taking 18 credits. i am leading as the only girl on our team with a club of 100. i will certanily be busy. but i am mostly afraid of being alone. it is already setting in. tears stream down my face. i know i know, i am married now so its different. but given everything from my past, i am more afraid than ever of going down the dark alley of loneliness again. like my freshman year of college. no friends. just an empty heart. i can only pray now that God will strengthen my weakness and surprise me. maybe i will be lonely, but maybe he wants me to rely on him. solely. maybe that is what i will learn. whatever his plan is, i have faith that it will be okay. it will probably be hard and confusing. but i trust him. even in circumstances id rather not be in. my circumstances will not rule me. i refuse.

my current read: Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist. loving it. a lot.


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