i was supposed to go to saranac this weekend and see some of my best friends. i have been planning on this all summer. insisting i needed to go. excited to go back and breathe the mountain air and sit on the lifeguard stand, shivers down my legs, and twirling the whistle just to make marsh mad. but the past week i have felt a little voice inside me say "dont go" no. i refuse. i love saranac and i love my friends. the Lord kept pushing me though. i kept thinking over and over. but i packed my things this morning and left. and immediately started crying. pulled over at wawa to go to the bathroom because i forgot to when i left home. pulled myself together. pressed on to the interstate and the water works started again. what was going on? i knew. deep down. i shouldnt go. but i didnt want to let anyone down so i didnt say anything. i knew i shouldnt go because of the following reasons in no particular order: we wernt home last weekend, and wont be home next weekend. i have not been able to spend time with the yl girls in a long time. also, today is my 21st birthday. and its really special to be able to celebrate your first married birthday with your husband. also money. my job doesnt start until the end of september and although we have enough for me to go, i want to be wise and save for unexpected expenses. my niece and nephews birthday party is this weekend, and i miss them. if my heart is not 100% in it, than the Lord does not want me there. i could go on but ill spare you.
i am sad. i was looking forward to seeing my best friends and relaxing and being there and having community with them again. but God is funny because although i dont really like home right now (the transition from summer to school along with the area director switch ahs been weird and hard) i think im exactly where im supposed to be. there will be other times to meet friends. i think were trying for a trip to rochester in the fall and knoxville again in winter. but for now i am home and i will be content here. this was a really hard decision and maria i love you for making it that much easier. part of me wants to get out and leave but i know i shouldnt. so ill stay and see what the Lord wants to teach me this weekend here at home. sometimes what the Lord calls us to do and places he calls us to is hard and we want to fight it. but in my heart i know he knows whats best. i felt peace rush over me as i drove back.
all of that is why i said God is funny. because you think you want one thing. but really, you need another.
on a really cool note- first day of school was yesterday and it was long but good. im geared up i think. and as i was sitting outside of BAL waiting for my class to start reading my book, a girl walks up to me. i figured she would ask me where something is, as i got about twelve of those questions that day already. but she asked if i was involved in norfolk young life. i said no but i lead in chesapeake. and she said well i hope this isnt creepy but i read your blog and want to say congratulations on your marriage. her name is miranda and she graduated in va beach. so shout out to her because that really brightened my day! it wasnt creepy at all- i put myself out here on my blog so the fact that you see my face and know me isnt creepy. its actually really cool. it may of may not have gotten to my head a bit. luckily i have a hubby that brings me back down. :)
im 21 today. hummm
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