God dwells in me.

the phrase "you learn something new everyday" always puzzled me. do i really? i always thought of myself as a pretty smart person. i know some random quotes and some random interesting facts. and i know my right from my left [in theory, i actually usually mess it up when im in conversation, but i really do know it] i know a lot about history. i know basic math. some science. and a lot about proper grammar. i know how to bake cookies. how to check if brownies are done. how to cook- just follow the recipe and add some twists if you want. i know a lot about directions- i am not directionally challenged like my best friend caileigh [sorry cails... but you are.. ily] i know east from west. i know the basic stuff. what else do i need to know? but i believe in that phrase more than ever lately. you really do learn something new everyday. lately i have been discovering new things everyday. new thoughts. new things about myself. about my husband. and about life. and how to set your cookies to bake for less time in an old, small oven.
i used to think i knew everything. but i dont know everything. i actually hardly know anything. im discovering new parts of me and life and everything under the sun daily. i have been spending a lot of time with the Lord lately. every day. its typically the first thing i do after brushing my teeth when i wake up. i hit the journal. and bible. and have been so blessed. i have realized my severe need of that this year and have truly dedicated myself to it. i am not in the best place in my heart right now, but the Lord is making me thrive and grow and he is taking care of me and teaching me so much.
i blogged earlier about how i stayed home from saranac. and recieved a lot of response about how cool people thought it was. i didnt really think it was cool at the time. i wanted to get away. to flee. because it is easier than staying here and dealing with things id rather not. things mostly i keep inside. but the Lord has taught me so much in our time this past week.
this past sunday josh and i went to church. as i was getting ready, i was thinking how i have not felt the Lord lately and how I would really like if that would change. but as i was putting on mascara i doubted and thought this would just be another day. we walk to church (how cool is that?!) and started singing. [this song] i cried immediately.  the Lord spoke to me directly. i know it. when we prayed silently as we were confessing, i prayed he would forgive me for not feeling his presence because of this deep sin i have been dealing with. then that prayer time was over and the sermon began. it was about feeling the Lords presence. about how Gods personal presence isn't just with us but in us. i cried pretty much the whole sermon and worship after. i felt him that day. and i have been noticing him creep into my every day life more and more as the days go by. he has spoken to me through josh, other friends, and his Word and even silence- it has been evident. and i have learned so much. about fear. and my own sin. and about forgiveness. and about grace. the Lord wanted me to hear the sermon that sunday. i know it is a top reason why he didnt want me to go to saranac. i have learned a lot- one thing mainly has been that we tend to justify our feelings because in our heads we think it is right. i always think im right, and a lot of times i am. like when someone does something to you to hurt you- you blame them rather than looking at it from another perspective. but just because my feelings are legitimate doesnt mean someone elses aren't. and thats where grace comes in. communication is key. i am learning that too.
im continuing to learn and am very excited for this upcoming year to learn what Jesus has in store for me and for josh and i too. what he will teach me and josh. josh has a rough stressful day yesterday. so im off to bake him his favorite cookies.

oh and p.s. heres that picture of me eating a pickle before i said i do.

God dwells in me.