i just want to dance forever.

Monday, April 4, 2011

warning- this post will be long. i have a lot to say today.
this weekend was pure joy. i mean it. not a ton of other ways to describe it. Libby does not have cancer anymore- and one of my best friends Katie Meehan wanted to celebrate.  and what better way to do that than a girls weekend at the river house? laughter, dancing, music, and pillow pets filled the house. literally all of that.

tommys bday party was friday night- queeny danced and it was the funniest and bravest things ever. the whole night was great. then off to the river house. ryder was gone for the weekend and we had planned on going to km's beach house but it ended up working out to just stay at the river house. which was perfect.
saturday morning Ava woke us up earlyish- most of us only got a few hours of sleep each night (i was a g-ma on saturday night and sad i missed some conversations....little mad at myself for that) we ate dunkin donuts. ava went down for a nap and we read some scripture and did a bible study and shared our hearts. it was beautiful. we read 2 Corinthians 4:7-18. we learned that we have life because of jesus christ dying on the cross. and we will hurt sometimes- but jesus is always there. i talked about how i have been worshiping lately. [refer to my previous post entitled "knoxville" where i talk about this] i will elaborate more on it right now though- bc i am that passionate about it. i never really knew how to sit down and worship. but a few weeks ago, i started to sit and listen to classical music or sometimes christian music. and i dance- in my head. i wish there was a place for me to actually dance. id love to go to a studio at eleven at night and just be free. but i cant so in my head does just fine. but i have found my worship. i imagine jesus with me sometimes dancing too, or he just watches and cries tears of joy of course and smiles and claps. he thinks it is beautiful even if i have not stretched in forever and can't spot like i used to. he thinks i am gorgeous- he loves me that much. and that was really big for me. ill dance forever in heaven i know it.

never in my life have i felt closer to these girls. if i am being honest- i have never felt like i have had friends. my best friend caileigh moved to italy when we finished 4th grade. then i moved school districts. and girls were mean. i was awkward looking in middle school, and dint have friends i hung out with very much. then in high school i was teased a ton in 9th grade. i had my two best friends and that was it. plus caileigh now lived in MD so i could only visit every so often. i have always felt alone- especially my freshman and sophomore year of college. that is the first two years josh and i dated, and it is ironic because i have never felt more alone in my life. at least in middle school i had fake friends i hung out with sometimes. but not those two years- i had no girl friends and i never knew how much that affected me. but it did. a lot. it still does too with insecurities around girls. so i prayed about it. i asked the Lord to send me friends. and he provided. the summer was filled with college girls back from their freshman year. we got close and hung out a lot and shared at sheville. then came summer staff. libby was supposed be there. but i know now that the Lord wanted km and i to be close. and thats exactly what we did. we got close. and now she is a bridesmaid in my wedding. so when these girls come home from college we hang out and get goofy. and i don't feel alone anymore. i have friends. even when they are at college, the lord has sent kh and mended a broken relationship with kb. and i have jesus to thank for that.

saturday girls went and got pillow pets. not me, i have patrick and am about to be married and know i cant have a pillow pet lying around so itd end up in goodwill in a couple months. even leslie got one... which is funny if you knew her. libby got one too- well it is for ava, but libby didnt want to miss out too. seven pillow pets all together. we have a few videos on facebook with them. check them out- theyre funny. we made dinner (mostly kb and jess) and made milkshakes. and danced. and then we worshiped. it was so great. my favorite song of the night:

no place id rather be
then here in your love
so set a fire down in my soul
that i cant contain 
that i cant control
i want more of you god.

i love you girls. so much. libby- your hair is cut and its sassy and cute. you dont look the least bit sick anymore. youre officially DONE. thank you jesus for everything. death has lost it's grip on me and i don't deserve that but you give it to me anyway.
Philippians 1:21 "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

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