Tuesday, April 19, 2011

i have always been quite dramatic. my parents always told me that- it was sometimes a good thing sometimes bad. i swore up and down when i was little that i would be famous. i used to do impressions... its kinda of funny/embarrassing to look back on now. i was also one of the lead roles in the 8th grade play. i was french and thought i had a good accent... i did not really. but i still loved being on stage none-the-less. anyways my last post was dramatic. i mean i was upset do not get me wrong, but a little too upset. i needed to vent ad so i blogged. i figured out my schedule. the writing center expedited my test to be graded (i passed) and this morning when i woke up i was able to register. so i did and i do not have class on tuesdays or thursdays. i am not taking the classes i really wanted to take, but the ones i absolutely needed were not full yet. its funny how we do that.... freak out over nothing and do not trust God with it all. he knew.... he knew all along that it would be fine. i did not trust and that was dumb of me to not do. this will be a reminder to me in the next coming months with wedding and life planning. i will constantly remind myself that God is whispering to me"ally- trust me. i am for you. I have you in my hands and I love you more than life and therefore I give you life." thank you God for that reminder.

Lately i have had a thirst to just get up and go somewhere. i am sick of feeling lazy. i want to travel so badly. cail and i might venture to boston in the end of may which i am so excited about. i want a job so desperately too. i have applied a lot of places but no luck. i have also felt really drained, left out, and heavy lately. i feel drained from all my insecurities. i have felt distant from my friends. and i have had a heavy heart because of it all. i feel more than ever that satan is rotting at my feet just waiting for an opportunity to catch me and make me feel alone like i have so often in the past. circumstances with friends and family and josh have not worked in favor of me and my heart, and therefore i feel unconscious and ready to break down and flip out any moment. i have been on edge so the littlest of things have hurt me- a lot. it all adds up. i need now more than ever to cling to the Lord. i can't let this break me... its been tough lately but i will persevere. looking back it was not so much the scheduling part that was breaking me down- but rather the root of it all. i have to change that. i can only do that with jesus...

wedding stuff: bridesmaid dresses came in and they look awesome! i love them. ordered the cake and invitations. things are coming together. right now i am on the hunt for jewelry- i was going to wear Libby's but since they are gold it does not work (sad bc i loved those the most) my list of to-dos keeps getting longer, but i am not worried lately... i know He has it all planned. ceremony location is officially inside- i reluctantly agreed but I know it will be better. almost three more months.... WOW.

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