special education.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

lately, the idea of me being involved with special education has been thrown at me. not overwhelmingly, but i can definitely see a subtle pattern lining up in my life involving special education. i am not sure if it is coincidence or if God is trying to rely a message to me.

about two years ago or so, josh and i went down to the 1st street jetty in va beach. this is where we first talked about us becoming us. our first kiss. and the first time i think either of us were honestly real with a person of the opposite sex. so we went here to sit on the rocks and look at the stars that are tragically dimmed by the city lights. we like to just sit and be there. listen to the water. and just be still for a bit. well that time we were there, a new park had been constructed right by these rocks. its a park for everyBODY. 100% handicapped accessible. i thought it was so neat. and then pondered what it would be like to have a disabled child. i asked josh what he thought. he said it would be ours and a child of God and that we would love it just the same. i knew that. but deep down my heart had fear that i wouldn't be able to do it.

i admitted that night that i was afraid of special ed (sped) kids and people. ive never really been involved with them. never been in an inclusion class or anything. its a foreign world to me. and it kinda scares me.

this year i started subbing in Chesapeake. i had my first try with sped kids when i subbed at my old elementary school, Greenbrier Elementary. There were about ten kids who were in an out of the class and did certain subjects with another teacher and were in my class sometimes. It was different and kind of weird actually. But a neat experience since most school systems are moving toward inclusion classrooms. I couldn't stop talking about these 3rd grade kids who I got to know and love in just a day.

but i still thought that the older they get the scarier it is.

I subbed two weeks later at my old high school, Hickory. It was for a computer class. That is when I fell in love. I was in the classroom with seven sped kids. each very unique. One boy was on the verge of a break down and I did not know what I would do. the boy next to him calmed him down and showed the most sincere compassion I have ever seen anyone give to anyone. my heart melted and i shed a few tears so utterly and completely moved by these kids. i still talk about that instance today it moved me so much.

currently i am taking two sped classes for college. and my historical methods class has two special ed students in it. they make me laugh. seriously. they are also extremely intelligent. when i was in my sped class on tuesday night my heart leaped when we were talking about kids and i reflected back on those times i subbed and the previous day with the boys in my college class.

i do not know what any of this means. but i do know that my heart has been moved from fear to compassion right before my eyes. i hope and pray this continues to happen in other areas of my life. fears moved to something greater. how great is our God that he would show us the realness of his heart and ours.


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