[disclaimer: this next part may seem a bit bitter, and i apologize for that.] i am so sick of people telling me how young i look. like it literally makes me so mad i want to slap someone. i know i look young, especially young to get married. but that really hurts. i am a sensitive person to put it lightly and the fact that people tell me over and over (mostly strangers... in fact only strangers) really hurts. it makes me self conscious, i don't want to look back at my wedding photos and think "wow, i am such a young bride, i look fourteen" it really makes me angry. tell me that in ten or fifteen years and youll be my new best friend, but right now that is not a compliment.
okay im done complaining about that for now.
so wedding stress is under way. it is crazy. ceremony? yeah dont know where i am going to do it. STILL. everything falls through and it makes me so nervous. more than anything, i want to get married outside. i have some options but it is difficult. it is also difficult for me to ask my parents for another thing. i fret about how much my wedding cost- dont ask i wont tell you. is that weird? sorry if it is. i added things up the other day and cried. i mean by no means is it an extensively expensive wedding, let's be real the national average is $28000, and i am not close. but still i have never spent more on something but the thing i remind myself is that i only get married once. thats all. and it will be one of the top monumental days of my life (the others will be kids of course) so i want it to be perfect, i am one of those girls. it is really important to me. plus i always feel the need to impress people.... but that day i want to impress myself. i want to look and say "wow, my parents and i did all of this because this day is that important." but i still worry about it all... my parents tell me not to, but i cant help it. so im trying to cut costs... well see how that goes. i am though a DIY bride, so the decor? i am doing it all myself. and i love that.
the past two weeks i have had one on one conversations with some of the most important people in my life. Caileighs visit was so great, and we had so much fun staying in Manteo and crafting and shopping downtown for sharper scissors and the piggly wiggly for rulers and tacks and a wedding magazine "because is seemed like we should have one." I have bought two since I have been engaged- the rest are thanks to my future mother-in-law who has planned two weddings lately for her daughters, so it was super fun. then a random night with katie hackett was SO good, i am so thankful the Lord placed her in Chesapeake. she has helped me grow so much. and a conversation with my newly engaged friend katie brewer, which was really good. and much needed. and yesterday i hung out with libby and that is always the best. i love her so much and always learn things from her, i am so glad she pushes me with my leading. thank you for doing that libby. i could go on and on. one of the most important conversations has been with God. which i must admit does not happen as often as it should. it was really good. i yelled i screamed i cried. then something crazy happened... ask and ill tell you what it was but it is too special to blog about. maybe i will later... this post is long.
praying is becoming a part of my routine now. and i need that. pray for my sanity please... sometimes i get too caught up in this wedding... it takes SO SO MUCH to plan one... p.s. ill post more soon. off to knoxville tomorrow to see some of my favorite people i met in august 2010.
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