someday take me

far away from here

kingdom coming

hard to believe

it's only you and me

we're fighting just to breathe

feels like the weight of the world on our shoulders

if we can just hang on

i need you to be strong

feels like the weight of the world on our shoulders

someday real love

i cant wait any longer

darkness creeping

make it stop

it's only you and me

we're fighting just to breathe

feels like the weight of the world on our shoulders

if we can just hang on

i need you to be strong

feels like the weight of the world on our shoulders

i am literally obsessed with drew & ellie holcomb and the neighbors ( aka DH&N). No lie. I listen to their songs and just learn so much. I have felt like this a lot lately. The weight of the world. I am stressed. I am stressed lately about finances and health care (right Libby bc im sickly? haha) and where were going to live and how it is all going to work. I know I trust in the Lord for all of this- I have had to since this all started and I do more than ever. Really- but to a certain point it is all real. I know the Lord doesn't want me to be oblivious to it all, and I am not. it is just scary. marraige isnt run on money.... only on christ and thats how were going to live. it is just scary as we dive deeper into all of this. no regrets thats for sure- i knew this would come. its just scary. income restrictions. health care... a good job where i have SOLID hours. im getting nervous... in a good way. this song and its lyrics mean so much to me. josh and i are only strong because of jesus and thats the way it will always be. so i am trusting that we'll find a place. and find a good job. and find some health care bc i need it.

i gave campaigners tonight. on destiny... and hell and heaven. it was the most silent our kids have ever been. i mean when i talked it was dead silent. yet they had so much to say. the discussion was awesome. it was serious.... i pray it brought hope though that we are going to heaven bc jesus lives in us. we have no reason to fear death... hell is no reason to fear bc christ is in me and i in him. always.... bible study this morning was amazing... those girls are so heavy on my heart. i just want to love them and live life with them. please pray toreys softball tourney gets moved or cancelled... i so desperately want her to go to camp. olivia too.... my heart for my ministry is growing with passion, and i love it. katie carr said it tonight "God is so good." i must remember this as i go these last three and a half months.... stress is no match to what the lord is doing in our lives. thank you jesus, for showing yourself to me so evidently lately. it has been such a joy. got an email from an old friend i met at saranac... his name is Luke and him and his wife are adult guest hosts at YL camps. he is possibly one of the most loving guys i have ever met. he keeps in touch and reads this blog and hardly knows me. thanks for the encouragement, and for the emails about Drew & Ellie.

GOD IS SO GOOD.

the weight of the world.

knoxville.

so this past weekend i met up with some of the most beautiful girls in the world in knoxville TN. i cannot describe how much fun it was and how relaxing it was. we had no agenda. what-so-ever. i drove to jmu met megan, we drove through blacksburg got katie  then finally met kaylee in knoxville. im sure youre wondering- why knoxville. none of us are from there or have ever been there. it is the "halfway" point between butler and jmu. so kaylee and megans traveling dads got us a couple hotel rooms for two nights in the city. it was the best even with katies acl torn. we brought all our stuff into the hotel before going out. hummm... wheres allys purse? oh probly in the car. NOPE. katie: "did you grab it from my door before we left tech?" NOPE. so i have to bum money off sweet kaylee all weekend, but am gonna mail her a check. that was kinda funny but i felt so dumb. josh would say that is pretty typical for me... which is so true. i forget everything. so we were driving friday night to go find a restaurant around 8 and saw this theater and the sign said "Drew Holcomb and The Neighbors 3/25" WE HAVE TO GO. Kaylee quick pulls over and I run out across the street to check out times and tickets. The show starts at 9. so we go to market square grab a bite to eat. and see the best concert i have ever seen in my life. they were seriously so good and so cute on stage together. i recommend them to anyone. seriously. its this band and the husband and wife sing and they are so good. im a tad bit obsessed with Ellie. her voice has a bit of a rasp to it and it is so soothing. i love it. they sang my favorite song and i was so so so excited. i cried.... i cry more often lately then i wold like to. but it was so beautiful. buy their album... its worth it. plus i got to meet them after, which was the best thing ever. i was shaking and i was ridiculous. drew and ellie are Christian and sing at young life camps in the summer (happen to know they'll be at sharptop this summer... so jealous) they mean a lot to me.. for a few different reasons. so that made my night. plus grabbed some gelato on the way home... blackberry peach and mango. oh so good. the next day we sleep in... late. had breakfast buffet for lunch and then left for the second hotel. what should we do next? great cake bake? mmmkay. oh strawberry frosting is my favorite for sure. and the milk was awesome. we just hung out and then went to downtown grill & brewery for some dinner. gelato night #2? yes. so good. mango and pineapple. delicious. im working on a list of moments that were the best. ADA section? One Way Meg. it was so good.

ive decided that i love southern big cities. Nashville for Josh's sisters wedding a couple summers ago was awesome... i love line dancing. and knoxville was amazing too. i just love the vibe and feel. who knows, maybe the Lord will take us to a city one day. or Europe.
so i listen to classical music in the car all the time. really i do love it. i love it mostly because i dance in my head. i miss dancing- like ballet. i do it a lot with a lot of songs though. i want to worship by doing it. i really wish i had a big giant room where i could do it whenever without anyone watching. i wish i could afford lessons too. i hate running and typical working out... but i love dancing. thats what i want to do. so hopefully one day. josh says he would love that for me, and promised one day we can afford lessons. it was really sweet. for now though, dancing in my head will do.
sophomore girl bible study starts this Wednesday morning, and i am so pumped.

gelato. so good.

for some reason, i can only upload the gelato pic. so hopefully i can add some more pics later... of just check out my fb.

knoxville.

4 months.

yes that is right... it is only four months away. TIME FLIES. i literally cannot believe it. Josh and I are having the sweetest time ever... i do not know if i have ever enjoyed our relationship more. i mean, i know i probably should say that every day, but let's be realistic, it is not all easy sometimes.... especially our first year. but we made it, and now were four months away four marriage. i want to savor it. this time. i will never date josh again... i mean i know we'll go on dates of course, but we'll never have this title ever again. and i love this time. i mean i am anxious nervous and excited for sure, but i am loving this. we're getting really excited together. although i wish i could do without this wedding stress...

[disclaimer: this next part may seem a bit bitter, and i apologize for that.] i am so sick of people telling me how young i look. like it literally makes me so mad i want to slap someone. i know i look young, especially young to get married. but that really hurts. i am a sensitive person to put it lightly and the fact that people tell me over and over (mostly strangers... in fact only strangers) really hurts. it makes me self conscious, i don't want to look back at my wedding photos and think "wow, i am such a young bride, i look fourteen" it really makes me angry. tell me that in ten or fifteen years and youll be my new best friend, but right now that is not a compliment.
okay im done complaining about that for now.

so wedding stress is under way. it is crazy. ceremony? yeah dont know where i am going to do it. STILL. everything falls through and it makes me so nervous. more than anything, i want to get married outside. i have some options but it is difficult. it is also difficult for me to ask my parents for another thing. i fret about how much my wedding cost- dont ask i wont tell you. is that weird? sorry if it is. i added things up the other day and cried. i mean by no means is it an extensively expensive wedding, let's be real the national average is $28000, and i am not close. but still i have never spent more on something but the thing i remind myself is that i only get married once. thats all. and it will be one of the top monumental days of my life (the others will be kids of course) so i want it to be perfect, i am one of those girls. it is really important to me. plus i always feel the need to impress people.... but that day i want to impress myself. i want to look and say "wow, my parents and i did all of this because this day is that important." but i still worry about it all... my parents tell me not to, but i cant help it. so im trying to cut costs... well see how that goes. i am though a DIY bride, so the decor? i am doing it all myself. and i love that.

the past two weeks i have had one on one conversations with some of the most important people in my life. Caileighs visit was so great, and we had so much fun staying in Manteo and crafting and shopping downtown for sharper scissors and the piggly wiggly for rulers and tacks and a wedding magazine "because is seemed like we should have one." I have bought two since I have been engaged- the rest are thanks to my future mother-in-law who has planned two weddings lately for her daughters, so it was super fun. then a random night with katie hackett was SO good, i am so thankful the Lord placed her in Chesapeake. she has helped me grow so much. and a conversation with my newly engaged friend katie brewer, which was really good. and much needed. and yesterday i hung out with libby and that is always the best. i love her so much and always learn things from her, i am so glad she pushes me with my leading. thank you for doing that libby. i could go on and on. one of the most important conversations has been with God. which i must admit does not happen as often as it should. it was really good. i yelled i screamed i cried. then something crazy happened... ask and ill tell you what it was but it is too special to blog about. maybe i will later... this post is long.

praying is becoming a part of my routine now. and i need that. pray for my sanity please... sometimes i get too caught up in this wedding... it takes SO SO MUCH to plan one... p.s. ill post more soon. off to knoxville tomorrow to see some of my favorite people i met in august 2010.

4 months.

spring break.

so this spring break turned out to be really different than expected... my bestest friend cail and i got dates confused when we were talking about her coming down. which is kinda funny... so she will be arriving sunday and i am so so so so excited!!! she is the best and has been SO helpful with everything, couldn't have picked a better moh.
anyways, so last friday i dropped josh and matt off at the airport. i must admit i cried, not because he was leaving for a week (lets be real, thatd be dumb & dramatic) but because planes freak me out and the fact that he was flying over the ocean freaked me out- mind you my favorite tv show is LOST.- so i was scared. they landed safely though so i was scared and probably dramatic for nothing.... still afraid for the way back though. so i have been hanging out with our friends non-stop and it has been so much fun. kinda weird because im used to josh being there, but i love that i get to hang out with the best people in the world all week. that friday night we went to bluegrass night at a local bbq place and alex jorgenson was here... which only meant one thing, hilarious. did the entire restaurant sing happy birthday to me? yes. it was seriously such a great night. the tech and jmu people are back too which makes it super fun... katie, becca, shannon, and queeny = my favs. and jess gump is officially back and our new female leader, and i just love spending time with her.like, LOVE it. ive never felt more loved by a group of individuals like the people here in chesapeake. tuesday night was a joke too. we tried to prank the boys and failed miserably, but only because we felt so bad lying to them. if we were heartless, it definitely would have worked. but were not- and some of us cried, and some of us laughed (katie m) yesterday was also the best. crafting day with a sick katie hackett and helping becca with her club talk. it was so relaxing. dinner with katie hackett and a really good conversation with her about some stuff that has plagued my thoughts lately. i have learned a lot this week. so so much. i learned that i do not need josh around to have a good time in chesapeake. not that i thought that before, but he has always been around when i am so i finally got to test that theory. i have learned that i am seriously so blessed. it is incredible how much i take for granted here. i love my friends. and i thank God so much for them all, they are all so unique and thoughtful and it is just the best to be here and be loved. i can honestly say that for the first time in a long long time, i love living in chesapeake. and that is a big statement for me.

also, on the wedding front: greg from mens warehouse is the best. he has been so helpful and quick. the suits and ties are in. now we need shirts... so much to do, so much to do. & even more exciting news? I GOT MY DRESS & IT IS PERFECT. oh and whats that? more exciting news? I GOT MY SHOES & THEY ARE PERFECT. my dad said to me the other day at lunch, "wow, only 4 & 1/2 months left." inside i said "WWWHHAT?!?" this time flies. my advice? savor every moment, even the sucky guest list ones.

spring break.

smells like spring. & donuts.

yesterday was so warm.80 degrees. i wore my gauchos and a tshirt and sandals and it was so blissful. i was driving with the windows down and it smelt like summer. i knew it would not last long, today it is 50. but yesterday reminded me that in the midst of chaos, there is God. i know that is a weird analogy maybe, but i truly felt that. club last night was crazy. i was mad. i kept reminded myself things after club when we were cleaning up, but the anger was still there. i felt like club was chaos and it felt like running a stressful "event." the Lord totally moved though. we talked in leadership on sunday night about not using camp as a crutch for kids meeting Christ. i knew i needed to be bold. so after wendys i drove this girl home, and she has been heavy on my heart. there is a group of girls and i just love them so much. she was one of them and i asked her how she liked young life. she said it was one of the best things that has ever happened to her. after that crazy chaotic club that felt like organizing a cat parade, i needed to hear that. there is fruit. pray that she can come to camp. i am going to help her sell cards.
sunday was a great day. went to a church and after spent some really good time with my sis. which never really happens. she helped me register for forgotten items, and was really helpful. i loved that time with her and felt like we were sisters. thanks mom and dad for watching Jaydon and Savannah for a few hours. oh, so i have been craving warm krispy kreme donuts for over a week. so Josh took me there before leadership. i dont think he had ever been. it was so cool to watch the donuts get made. and the   "hot now" sign was one, so as soon as they were glazed they got put into our box. it melted in our mouths. i loved that mini-date so so much. its the small stuff like that that remind me to relax. we will probably hit the factory up much more now too. i mean, its open until 11 and until 1 on fridays and saturdays. what more could we want?
heres some pics: WARNING: this may get you craving.

okay so not the most attractive picture of us, but oh well :)

this makes me hungry.

the donut factory and reflection of the hot now sign... yummm

smells like spring. & donuts.