a while ago i was talking to my new friend janis here in chesapeake. just talking about life- it was mostly just her asking me questions because she is that type of person who cares that much. i love that about her. anyways, we were talking about my heart. i told her straight up. it has not been good. i feel bound by everything in my life and i have little joy.

yesterday i said i feel "bleh." i think im ready to expand my thoughts on that feeling. i told janis this. "i feel like i am in this room. like we all start in this room and because of sin we are bound in this room by chains. i imagine this room to be cold. damp. and made of stone. also in darkness. but because Jesus came and died for us, we have the choice of letting him free us from those chains and that room. were free to see the world and really live. live life like he intends us to. and i believe because this room is so familiar, i am still sitting there, with the little light from the door shining through, but holding onto my chains, as if they were a part of me, but i am totally free to let go."

thats where i am at. just in this room totally disconnected from everyone and everything- afraid to come out. im trying to let myself go, but my heart is bitter and callous and its really hard. so as i was thinking a lot today- i am going to let go and take this step by step. i want to feel the joy of life again, no matter what circumstances i am in. life is tough. and i dont think that is going to change because this world kind of sucks. so life will always be tough- but jesus doesnt suck. hes given me so much. the opportunity to life- life to live with him and a loving husband and friends and family (even if a lot are far) and that life will not be perfect and may be hard but i know i have hope and joy and freedom. freedom to let go- get up- and walk. walk with Him.

i will choose freedom. and im not going to be bound to anything- ill only be bound for the promise land.
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speaking of free- who scored free movie tickets to the hunger games at macarthur for next saturdays date night? yup. me. went to school early to get tickets they were giving away for students. they also are going to give us free refreshments. can not wait.
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** also my brotherinlaw is coming home tomorrow! read about their story here. please pray for a safe flight and that their little family of four will reconnect and learn so much from this experience. also that jason can find a new job soon.

happy weekend everyone.

free.

the gym.

oops. i forgot to blog a dozen times. to be honest, i do not have much to say- i have not been in tune with myself lately (or anyone else for that matter.) i am off. and i just have not felt connected so i therefore i have not really had much to say.

things are moving so slowly yet so fast around the henderson household. we go to boston with my family in a couple weeks. and then after that only two weeks of school for josh and i. then after my exams the following week, we are off to europe. when i put it that way it seems like it'll fly by. but lately i have been dragging so everything seems about five times slower.

 not sure what is up with me. the only way i can describe it is "bleh." literally i am "bleh." that is all i have to say about that.

last week i spent some time with a friend ally. i would most definitely consider her one of my best, that i am confident to say. we have not been long time friends but we get each other. maybe because we have the same name. of because we are dating the same people (not literally, but dan and josh are so alike) whatever the reason i just love her so much. we got a little taste of summer last week, laying by her pool and going to the beach. can. not. wait. we connect so well. and i love that.

spring is officially here. josh is applying to schools all over- and we are praying the lord would guide that decision. but for now we wait. maybe until august. who knows. i am excited for him to be done with student teaching and hopefully be able to get his own class next year. i just know he is going to be a wonderful teacher- he works so hard and has a big heart for that.

we are also looking for summer jobs. any suggestions?

happy wednesday everyone. check out this ecard that pretty much nails it when describing me and my relationship with the gym:

sorry for this boring post- just wanted to give you an update.

xoxo

the gym.

dear spring,

i invite you to stay for a while.
love, ally.

.....
seriously though. i am craving warm weather like i never have before! i hate this bipolar weather. the warm days (like today) are teasing me. josh on the other hand is dreaming of being in montreal where the winters average 20F. ew.

yesterday was lovely out. 67 and sunny. josh came home and surprised me with a trip to the zoo complete with a strawberry limeade from doumars first. oh they are so so good. i know they will be a weakness for me once spring & summer come and stay for real.

lately i have been in a funk. slump. valley. i am not quite sure what to call it. but not feeling well. perhaps because while im on spring break josh has a really busy week student teaching. sad that we cannot relax together. also feeling extremely alone. josh is not home. SOL week means cut throat sub jobs. and i do not have many friends here in the first place, but even when friends are home from college, seems as though everyone is busy.

just not feeling myself this week. and our financial situation isn't the best currently. i think that is why i crave the sun- so i can go to the beach and read or write or sit. but instead i hate the cold and cant fathom going outside for an extended period of time. not sure if you could classify this "seasonal depression" but i am definitely not feeling myself. i am distant. lonely. narrow-minded. selfish. sad.

i am learning to trust that God still has us. he will provide for us financially. and i know he is here to comfort me. he still holds me dearly. i know this. but i am fairly certain i am not allowing myself to feel that. i am just closed off. but trying really hard to break down those walls and to live life like God intended me to- free. but i am pretty sure i am fighting off everything. but that is not my job. i need only to be still. so i will make my heart still and trust that god knows me and cares for me and is fighting for me.

glad to have a husband who truly cares for me and is patient with me and loves me well. i am so blessed beyond measure.

dear spring,

wedding video.

i am so beyond excited to share this with you! our wedding video!

matt benson did an AMAZING job. seriously. he is a really good friend of ours and also did our engagement pictures. i am so glad we did this. pictures are wonderful, but bringing it to life really put the cherry on top. i will not say any more. just watch it. thank you everyone for being a part of our day and our life. third day really was so special.

check out our wedding video {here}

wedding video.