dear spring,

Thursday, March 8, 2012

i invite you to stay for a while.
love, ally.

seriously though. i am craving warm weather like i never have before! i hate this bipolar weather. the warm days (like today) are teasing me. josh on the other hand is dreaming of being in montreal where the winters average 20F. ew.

yesterday was lovely out. 67 and sunny. josh came home and surprised me with a trip to the zoo complete with a strawberry limeade from doumars first. oh they are so so good. i know they will be a weakness for me once spring & summer come and stay for real.

lately i have been in a funk. slump. valley. i am not quite sure what to call it. but not feeling well. perhaps because while im on spring break josh has a really busy week student teaching. sad that we cannot relax together. also feeling extremely alone. josh is not home. SOL week means cut throat sub jobs. and i do not have many friends here in the first place, but even when friends are home from college, seems as though everyone is busy.

just not feeling myself this week. and our financial situation isn't the best currently. i think that is why i crave the sun- so i can go to the beach and read or write or sit. but instead i hate the cold and cant fathom going outside for an extended period of time. not sure if you could classify this "seasonal depression" but i am definitely not feeling myself. i am distant. lonely. narrow-minded. selfish. sad.

i am learning to trust that God still has us. he will provide for us financially. and i know he is here to comfort me. he still holds me dearly. i know this. but i am fairly certain i am not allowing myself to feel that. i am just closed off. but trying really hard to break down those walls and to live life like God intended me to- free. but i am pretty sure i am fighting off everything. but that is not my job. i need only to be still. so i will make my heart still and trust that god knows me and cares for me and is fighting for me.

glad to have a husband who truly cares for me and is patient with me and loves me well. i am so blessed beyond measure.


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