However, I have been feeling incredibly anxious about life and questions of whats next and some-what of some quarter life crises. But God usually knows what I need to hear to reassure me.
In high school, I developed a 'disorder' of sorts in which I all of sudden would get anxiety attacks. I could be doing something and snap- I would hyperventilate. It was pretty scary the first few times. Most of the time I would be doing something stressful- like getting blood drawn. I remember it happened after school during dance practice (I was on the dance team at my school- I know, so cool right?) It was a really bad attack and they tried to call the ambulance and it was pretty embarrassing to say the least, which probably only added to the anxiety attack.
Anyways, all this I say because in a nutshell- I am a really anxious person. I worry. I stress. I try to plan and perfect. I mean, if you saw my agenda (planner) you'd probably think I was a nutjob. Seriously.
I have been constantly reminded in the past couple weeks though about trusting in God's provision for your life.
I listened to a Tim Keller sermon the other week in which he defined anxiety as 'to be in pieces' or 'multi-minded.'
My mind literally is in pieces and thinking in twenty-gazilion different directions, when in reality I need to be single-minded. Now I understand usually single-minded is used in a bad sense, but in this context it means to literally be focused on one thing; your assurance of salvation through Jesus Christ.
Instead of worrying what next move He'll make with me, why not focus on the one move He has already done for me.
Keller also said "worry is listening to your heart and peace is talking to your heart." He draws this from Psalm 142 in which David reminds himself of his salvation:
vs5: "I cry to you O Lord; I say 'You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.'"
So this week, I am trying to rid my mind of the "what-ifs" and "what shoulds" and remind myself of the "what He has done."
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