free.

a while ago i was talking to my new friend janis here in chesapeake. just talking about life- it was mostly just her asking me questions because she is that type of person who cares that much. i love that about her. anyways, we were talking about my heart. i told her straight up. it has not been good. i feel bound by everything in my life and i have little joy.

yesterday i said i feel "bleh." i think im ready to expand my thoughts on that feeling. i told janis this. "i feel like i am in this room. like we all start in this room and because of sin we are bound in this room by chains. i imagine this room to be cold. damp. and made of stone. also in darkness. but because Jesus came and died for us, we have the choice of letting him free us from those chains and that room. were free to see the world and really live. live life like he intends us to. and i believe because this room is so familiar, i am still sitting there, with the little light from the door shining through, but holding onto my chains, as if they were a part of me, but i am totally free to let go."

thats where i am at. just in this room totally disconnected from everyone and everything- afraid to come out. im trying to let myself go, but my heart is bitter and callous and its really hard. so as i was thinking a lot today- i am going to let go and take this step by step. i want to feel the joy of life again, no matter what circumstances i am in. life is tough. and i dont think that is going to change because this world kind of sucks. so life will always be tough- but jesus doesnt suck. hes given me so much. the opportunity to life- life to live with him and a loving husband and friends and family (even if a lot are far) and that life will not be perfect and may be hard but i know i have hope and joy and freedom. freedom to let go- get up- and walk. walk with Him.

i will choose freedom. and im not going to be bound to anything- ill only be bound for the promise land.
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speaking of free- who scored free movie tickets to the hunger games at macarthur for next saturdays date night? yup. me. went to school early to get tickets they were giving away for students. they also are going to give us free refreshments. can not wait.
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** also my brotherinlaw is coming home tomorrow! read about their story here. please pray for a safe flight and that their little family of four will reconnect and learn so much from this experience. also that jason can find a new job soon.

happy weekend everyone.

free.